So, it’s the end of the year, you’ve worked hard all year and handed in all of your assignments, so what better way to reward yourself than with a nice, relaxing getaway? Or not. If you’re in the market for a holiday you’ll arrive home from needing another, look no further than my comprehensive list of the cheapest and best party capitals of Europe.
“After seeing the state some people get themselves into, I wasn’t surprised when walking past the resort’s medical centres to see that queues were down the street!”
A lovely quote from one reviewer on TravelAdvisor – how can you possibly not want to go now?
Having also been described as “like an unending episode of Jeremy Kyle”, I can only say, as a fan of all things grotesque, that this particular train wreck in the sun is one I hope to visit in the very near future.
Prices start at €740 per person for a seven night stay at Koursaros apartments inclusive of flights. The apartment complex itself boasts a 24-hour bar, which explains the endless queues to be seen by a doctor at the medical centre.
I know, I know, Greece again.
Possibly the only good things I’ve read about Zante are that the clubs are good, good value and stay open until 6.30am, the restaurants and accommodation are, according to reviews, horrendous, but who cares? It’s really cheap. According to almost all the reviewers, they had never seen so many Irish pubs outside of Ireland, so you’ll feel at home and not have to, you know, actually experience anything Greek at all. It’ll be like spending a week in the Blacker’s beer garden, only sunny.
The Aphrodite Apartment complex is the closest to the town’s pub and club strip and is therefore the one you should stay at.
Prices start at €570 per person for 7 nights, including flights and breakfast at the complexes onsite restaurant.
Malia is the hotspot for testosterone fuelled Lads holidays – Which, in post-holiday anecdotes always sound like an Irish take on the hangover, but in reality are more akin to The Inbetweeners movie – filled to the brim with cheap accommodation, cheap drink and even cheaper girls.
One review I read on TravelAdvisor.com (which was definitely submitted by some middle-aged crank) noted she was appalled to find, upon arrival, a young lady vomiting at the entrance of her hotel at midday, so you know it must be good.
Prices start at €690 per person for an all inclusive 7-night deal at the Nikos Hotel situated on Malia’s main strip, close to clubs (the most popular of which seems to be Candy) restaurants and other tourist attractions you’ll be too locked or hungover to have any interest in seeing.
According to reviewers Magaluf is regarded as both the best and worst place to go on holiday – on one hand, it is the cheapest place on the list, with an amazing nightlife, almost everyone agreed that the clubs and pubs are it’s best, and some say only, feature. On the other hand, there is the small matter of violent crime and unprovoked attacks. Yep. According to statistics from Britains Home Office, one quarter of all arrests of Britons’ abroad was in Magaluf.
However, if you’re with a big group, or alternatively, are as rough as a badgers arse, you should be fine. And, sure look, few naggins, be grand.
Prices start at €439 per person for a self-catering Deya apartment only minutes from the pubs, clubs and beach.
And, at last, we come to the holy grail of all drunken holidays…
By far the best rated of any other destination on the list, Ibiza is the classy cousin of Magaluf, and deserves it’s place as the number one party capital of Europe, with millions flocking to revel in it’s sun, sea, sand and Sambuca every year. From 1st – 3rd of July, the Ibiza123 festival will host international artists like Tinie Tempa, Labrinth, David Guetta and Fatboy Slim to name just a few, and understandably, prices are higher around that time, but it will be well worth the trip.
Prices start at €830 for seven nights, inclusive of flights, for a self-catering studio at the Royal Plaza apartment resort. The resort is located ON the beach, and has not one, but three 24 hour bars for it’s guests to choose from.
And thus concludes my list and here’s hoping, that wherever you end up, you have at least a couple of pints of water when you’ve finished drinking for the night, and it’s also worth remembering, that contrary to Irish folklore, a bad burn on the first day of your holiday will not turn into a tan, so put on your factor 50 when you’re having a few cans for breakfast by the pool.